To my boys, 

I want you to know that mommy could not be happier right now. Mommy loves you both so much its crazy.  

I love holding you, Kaiden Wyatt, I love listening to you coo, watching your crazy facial expressions you make (your much more animated then your brother ever was). I love knowing your ok when you wake me in the middle of the night. As frustrating as it can be to be woken every 3-4 hours, and never really get a full night sleep... knowing your ok, when i hear that cry... is one of the best feelings in the world. Its every mothers fear to loose their children. SIDS is a terrifying phenomenon and just hearing you cry, makes mommy happy to know your ok.  I love rubbing your little head of hair, holding your little hands, and watching you stare at the world in wonder. I love that you have so easily become part of this family. 

I love watching you play Jairmie William. I love seeing your bright smile, when your so happy its almost infectious. I love hearing your squeals watching you learn. I love moments of quiet with you. I love when you run up to me and all you want is to hug mommy.  I love that you have gotten so much better, and have not had a seizure in months. I love watching you spin around in circles in the living room and watching you dance. I love taking you out to the swings to play... hearing you giggle so happily. I love how you know where home is. I love how fearless you are, though if I'm to be completely honest it puts the fear of god in me as well. What kind of trouble are you going to get yourself into over the next 17 years 0.o <3  I love how you, though you may never know it, make me and daddy a family. And now you are making an awesome big brother. 

If I could freeze time, I would. I love being home with you both, playing, singing, holding you. Goin on adventures (you both see the world with aww and wonder). But mommy can't be home with you like this forever. Mommy within the next couple weeks is going to have to go back to work. Mommy likes her job, and cares about the people she works with. Mommy is makin a difference in the lives of people who sometimes don't have anyone every day. Mommy likes that. But because mommy is selfish if she had her way, and we could live on it financially, would love to be home all day with you boys and daddy. Mommy knows how much she misses you, Jairmie, when she is gone, and how much she will miss you when she goes back to work, Kaiden. Mommy is doing good things when she works, caring for people who can't care for themselves, but mommy misses you guys anytime she is not home. It makes mommy sad to think of all the giggles I'm missing, all the memories, when I am gone. How much ill miss with kaiden is especially a sad subject for mommy. Mommy saw all your firsts Jairmie, your first smile, your first step, your first words, when you first stood up, your first dance moves, the list goes on. It makes mommy sad to think she may even miss one of those with Kaiden. But know that no matter what new exciting things you 2 do when mommy is gone... mommy is there with you in spirit. 

I am so proud to call you boys mine. I love you both fiercely. Never doubt that. Mommy and daddy both love you fiercely. We love each other unendingly. We are a family. As long as we are together, its home. Mommy loves you both <3